Forging my own path,treading my own trail.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have never truly admited it, nor fully realized my own desires, but I have always imagined myself living an extraodinary life. One divergent from the assumed motions of life—working a job I dislike in order to pay bills, and debt. Dreading Mondays and counting down the days until Friday.  Wishing I were somewhere else. All for the occassional perks of dental benefits and two week paid holiday.

I had rather imagined myself living a different sort of life—one filled with adventure and great love. Not to say that a “normal” life and job is not ideal or filled with its own pleasures, but I suppose I am a hopeless romantic in every sense.

Most of my thoughts are filled with daydreams and fantasies of what could be. I am an adult woman, but in my mind maybe I am still be a child out of touch with reality.

It was a reality check when after graduating University, I had to take a job at a bank in my home town in order to pay off my school debt. I saw the months turn into a year, then a year and a half. My fear was that this would be the next 5 or 10 years of my life.

“Do not go where the path may lead…” Words so poignant they unmask a truth about myself revealing itself to me. My desires have never matched my character or actions.

I had extraordinary desires for my life, yet a less than impressive work ethic, an ungodly lack of discipline, questionable faith and overall an unmotivated character. I have never been true to who I am meant to be.

I belive there is a sense of maturity about this I have been growing in. At the same time, I belive that God created me with these heart desires. Fighting this would be fighting myself and God—I would feel as I do now…a fish out of its element. It is time for me to swim.

“Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.
² Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.

Isaiah 55: 1-2

In order to live a fulfilling life, we have to remove the assumptions of who we are and who we have to be. We have to step into God’s light and become the highest version of ourselves in Christ and that is unique who we have been created to be.

Any life can be extraordinary.  You only  have to be willing to get and give the most out of it each and every day. An extraordinary mother, an extraordinary husband, an extraordinary son, an extraordinary worker, an extraordinary giver, an extraordinary listner…

My commitment to myself from now on is to give it my all. To do only the things worth doing and to do them 110% to the best of my capacity at the time. And to only “tread my own path and leave a trail”.

I am just an ordinary girl, trying to live an extraodinary life.

Malaika