Many months ago I started this blog with the fantasy that I was going to , ‘become myself‘, transform my life, slay the dragons of self doubt and escape the clutches of mediocrity. From zero to hero, that was my mission.
Instead, I fell lower into the arms of my old friend, depression, became trapped in the deep spirals of confusion, and ran around the hamster wheel called wishful thinking. Essentially, I did not move forward in my life. I feel like a mess ya’ll and I wish I was exaggerating.
Let me give you the long and short of it all. In the last several months, I quit my full time position, because I was not able to execute well. To save myself from the potential disgrace, I opted to take on a part-time position at a lower level in the same company. In efforts to gain a marketable skill, I enrolled in college, but within a couple of months I dropped out. I moved to a new city, but still feel trapped by debt. I am still trying to figure my brain out, but still going through mental blocks. Like I said, this girl needs deliverance from mediocrity.
I have tried a lot of things to help change my life, but things did not work out as intended. The truth is, I do not know how to guide myself through life.
‘Resilient’,’ bold’, ‘gritty’, ‘fighter’, these are words that I have never been used to describe myself. I have never fought for anything in my life. When things did not work out, I just let it go. I gave myself a pass. I think deep inside I have always hoped that someone would help me, save me, tell me who I am and what to do.
But, that is not how the life of a victor works. Not by passivity. Not by giving up. Not by cowering.
This time, I am fighting for myself. I am ready to taken on the challenge of becoming a better person and transforming my life in a year.
What is different this time? There will be No BS. No sugar. I mean this both figuratively and literally.
When I say no sugar. I mean I will not be making myself feel comfortable at the expense of getting things done. I will not be talking myself out of doing what is right for me in the long term. I will not be sugar coating, making excuses or bsing myself. I will hold myself accountable to myself.
On the literal side, I will also be cutting out sugar from my diet. This means no artificial sugar in any form or quantity.
For the next 365 days, I am documenting my journey, no matter how I am feeling. Mad, sad, tired, angry, depressed, I am writing, I am creating.
I am not waiting until New Years to change my life, no bueno. My journey starts today, right now.
At this point I know three things to be true: 1. I am a mess, and 2. I need Jesus in my life, 3. I enjoy writing.
Let us see where this 365 day journey leads. My journey to becoming Malaika.
I will post on this blog at least once a week (every Saturday).
I will write whether one person reads it or whether I am writing into oblivion, but I do hope you join the journey.
I feel as if I am speaking with you (I am), and that you converse with me to (and you can—by commenting 😉 ). In the next 365 days, what are you committed to doing? Comment below.
Until next time…..
Peace & Love