Many months ago I started this blog with the fantasy that I was going to , ‘become myself‘, transform my life, slay the dragons of self doubt and escape the clutches of mediocrity. From zero to hero, that was my mission.

Instead, I fell lower into the arms of my old friend, depression, became trapped in the deep spirals of confusion, and ran around the hamster wheel called wishful thinking. Essentially, I did not move forward in my life.  I feel like a mess ya’ll and I wish I was exaggerating.

Let me give you the long and short of it all. In the last several months, I quit my full time position, because I was not able to execute well. To save myself from the potential disgrace, I opted to take on a part-time position at a lower level in the same company. In efforts to gain a marketable skill, I enrolled in college, but within a couple of months I dropped out. I moved to a new city, but still feel trapped by debt. I am still trying to figure my brain out, but still going through mental blocks.  Like I said, this girl needs deliverance from mediocrity.

I have tried a lot of things to help change my life, but things did not work out as intended. The truth is, I do not know how to guide myself through life.

‘Resilient’,’ bold’, ‘gritty’,  ‘fighter’, these are words that I have never been used to describe myself.  I have never fought for anything in my life. When things did not work out, I just let it go. I gave myself a pass. I think deep inside I have always hoped that someone would help me, save me, tell me who I am and what to do.

But, that is not how the life of a victor works. Not by passivity. Not by giving up. Not by cowering.

This time, I am fighting for myself. I am ready to taken on the challenge of becoming a better person and transforming my life in a year.

What is different this time?  There will be No BS. No sugar. I mean this both figuratively and literally. 

When I say no sugar. I mean I will not be making myself feel comfortable at the expense of getting things done. I will not be talking myself out of doing what is right for me in the long term. I will not be sugar coating, making excuses or bsing myself. I will hold myself accountable to myself. 

On the literal side, I will also be cutting out sugar from my diet. This means no artificial sugar in any form or quantity

For the next 365 days, I am documenting my journey, no matter how I am feeling. Mad, sad, tired, angry, depressed, I am writing, I am creating.

I am not waiting until New Years to change my life, no bueno. My journey starts today, right now.

At this point I know three things to be true: 1.  I am a mess, and 2. I need Jesus in my life, 3. I enjoy writing.

Let us see where this 365 day journey leads. My journey to becoming Malaika.

I will post on this blog at least once a week (every Saturday). 

I will write whether one person reads it or whether I am writing into oblivion, but I do hope you join the journey. 

I feel as if I am speaking with you (I am), and that you converse with me to (and you can—by commenting 😉 ). In the next 365 days, what are you committed to doing? Comment below. 

Until next time…..

Peace & Love 

Otto Regular

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